bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
