I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
