threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
