The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
