I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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