I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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