Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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