I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
