I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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