They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
