I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
