Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
