it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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