we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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