Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
