swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize