THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
