maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i have two assholes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
