I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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