Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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