saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
