My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize