Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
