We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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