I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
