ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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