Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
