I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
