Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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