Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
