This girl is more easily done than said...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
