Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
