I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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