pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
