I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
