Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I party with great urgency now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
