yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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