We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
