if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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