you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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