Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
