Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
