He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
