I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
