His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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