So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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