you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
