True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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