I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it because I queefed?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He did a backflip because drugs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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