she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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