Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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