She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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