im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
