I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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