i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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