I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
