I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
