I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
