yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
