There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
