What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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