woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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