He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
