You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize