In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
