it wasn't lemon gatorade
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
