you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
